I have an extremely good relationship with my mum. And sometimes that surprises people. I tell her almost everything. Important, trivial. We live so far apart, but I speak to her every single day. She means everything to me but that is the obvious reason why I love talking to her. She’s fun and we have similar interests. We love Harry Potter and watch The 100 and all the movies from the Marvel cinematic universe. We used to have beer Fridays and birthday traditions.
But the real reason I tell her everything is because I know she will not hesitate to call me on my bullshit. Sure, she is my mum and so she is genetically programmed to love me but only if she knows everything there is to know about me, will she be able to help keep my moral compass pointing due north. I have seen parents forever ready to defend their kids from the world without even knowing properly who their kids have grown up to be. They have no idea how their kid talk to others when they aren’t around.. They don’t know how their kids treat their friends, their partners or who is influencing them. Having open communication has helped my relationship with my mum. As an adult I can make decisions myself but it’s always nice to have her input, whether or not I choose to follow it, is my choice. As a kid I used to look to her for guidance, now I look to her to get another perspective. She and I may see the same situation differently. These days I know she learns from me just as much as I learnt from her. The generation gap gives us both a lot to think about.
What I learnt from her is this – Resilience, is one of the best tools we could have. She is the strongest person I know and everything she has, she has fought for. I remember telling her about this situation I was in, a conversation I had with someone who is so important to me and how desperate I sounded. I was ashamed to admit to her, the strongest person I know, that I begged and pleaded and that it made me sound so desperate. But she didn’t think it made me sound weak. She thinks that the fact that I was desperate and was trying to reason with them meant that I had something worth fighting for and that I did not want to let go without a fight. I thought they were worth fighting for and they did not think the same. It is from her I learnt that there is a way to fix everything, especially relationships, if only have the will to do whatever it takes to fix it.
I want to be a good daughter. Not the perfect daughter. I want to be good enough to accept my mistakes when I make them and then perhaps find a way to make it better. My mum is proof that you can love someone from far away. She is proof I don’t need to be near the ones I love to love them. I just love them. I love them now and probably will months from now. And time and distance may not change that for me. And I will not try to change it. It is not something that may not matter to others and I have accepted that what does not affect others should not mean anything to them. Love is love. It is unconditional and timeless. And you will only know it when you feel it. People may hurt you. Even the ones you love. Doesn’t mean you love them any less.
She taught me to never have regrets. You love someone? Love them. No regrets. Having regrets means it’s not real. So what if people don’t love you back? You’re the one who can say, “You know what, I love them and no one can take that away from me. I will always remember that sound of their laugh and how happy it made me and much fun we had together” People go through life not ever feeling this feeling. Lucky are those who find someone worth dying for. It doesn’t happen everyday. It doesn’t happen to everyone. It may not be valued but that doesn’t make it any less real.