HalloVeen Heist 2017

I had to do this. I just re-watched the Halloween Heist episode from the new season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and it was perfect. The whole episode was perfection. Halloween heists just get better with every season but this one was the BEST. Because it included Jake proposing to Amy. This post is completely about the proposal because I had to get it out of my system (even if no one reads it). I loved the proposal, I love the words he used, because other than being cheesy and romantic, the scene covered everything about their relationship, both as friends and as a couple and I loved that he used to ‘heist’ to do it. It even covered the ‘title of your sex tape’ bit that had me cackling. Here is a link to explain the ‘sex tape’ story from the show: Every Title Of Your Sex Tape

I’m posting the link to the proposal video but if you don’t want to watch it, I’m going to break it down gif by gif as well because I have the time. Also, I’m kinda obsessed with how perfect it was. Here’s the link: Jake Proposes to Amy

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He ended it with

Jake: Amy Santiago, will you marry me?

Amy: Jake Peralta, I will marry you.

So here’s why this whole thing was so special – He chose to propose to her during the Halloween Hiest that they do every year at the precinct, during which they are both insanely competitive because winning it means so much to both of them. He chose to put the words ‘Amy Santiago, will you marry me?’ on the belt that was supposed to be the “trophy” of the heist which he knew she’d win btw. He was confident that she’d end up with the belt in her hand. He chose to do it in storage because that is where they first kissed. I love that they both joked about ‘title of your sex tape’ after he was already down on one knee with the ring in his hand. I love how he hadn’t exactly prepared a speech and just wanted to say what he felt in the moment. He told her he loved how smart she is, before he told her how beautiful she is and he always finds the time to talk about her butt. He mentioned how she doesn’t actually like the ‘Die Hard’ movies but still pretends for his sake because he loves them so much. Now this is important in my opinion because to be with someone does not mean you will love all the same things. But you can understand and love the differences. She made the effort to watch all the Die Hard movies for him. That’s love. He pointed out that she is caring and funny and that she’s the best detective, even better than him. Damn, he really does love her.

And later, when everyone was arguing about how and when he must’ve decided to propose, he revealed this:

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I have said this before as well – when you realise you found your weirdo, it will not be a moment that will make no sense to anyone else. It will be something totally random. Jake had an epiphany when Amy complained about the typo in the crossword puzzle. He knew he had found his weirdo. And he knew he had to absolutely marry her.

I think I loved this so much because like every girl I’ve dreamt of a proposal. I don’t think I’ll get my chance. Sometimes you find your weirdo and that’s it. I won’t get my proposal so all I can do is dream of it. And this is legit as close to my dreams as it could get. hehe.

FIND YOUR WEIRDO AND MARRY THEM

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RELIGION (Who am I?)

I am Roman Catholic. And every now and then, I will come across someone who will ask me questions like “Do you go to Church every Sunday?” “What do you pray about?” “Does it really work?” When I was younger I used to pray and go for mass because I was told that it was what every catholic must do. When times were tough, I prayed. Every day I prayed to God to get us out of the crappy situation we were in. I don’t know if it was my prayers that worked or if it was just a combination of timing and luck that we were able to make it through, but when I was a kid I believed it was because I prayed for it to happen.

As I grew older, I only prayed when I was in tough spot but neglected to do so when things were fine. I went for mass every Sunday, not because mum told me to do it, but because I always felt like my week was not complete if I didn’t go. And then I was put in a very difficult situation, concerning my job and things were completely out of my hands. I remember staying up that whole night and having a conversation with God, and I remember saying “Well, I’ve done all I can do for now.. I leave the rest at your feet. Do with it what you will. I will accept whatever happens.” The situation was such that there were more chances for things to go wrong than for it to have a favourable outcome to me. But it somehow, worked out. That job was a turning point for me.

I am not an expert on the bible. I will not be able to point out the exact line where it says that I need to go to church every Sunday. I go to church every Sunday because it brings me peace. Because it makes me feel good.

Religion and faith in god, is not universally accepted. Atheists and agnostics exist. No one knows for sure whether God exists. But some choose to believe he does. And others just don’t. What can be agreed on is that irrespective, faith in God is what keeps a lot of people sane. Believing that there is a being superior than ourselves who can work miracles and make things in our world better, is something that we sorely need. Especially at times like today when the world as we know it can very possibly end.

I have never considered myself a Catholic/ Christian extremist. You know, the Christians who believe that God will persecute and punish gay people, who believe that Donald Trump is the best thing to happen to us and that his idea to build the wall was prophesised in the Bible. The views these extremist Christians have are positively archaic, and I do not stand for any of it. You cannot call yourself a Christian and actively believe that God will be against love of any kind. Love is love and that is like, God’s whole thing.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  – John 13: 34-35

Secondly, we say that only God has the right to judge us yet, so many Christians think they have the right to judge people of the LGBTQ community for their lifestyle, like being Christian somehow means we’re better than them? But that’s missing the whole point of being Christian. We are all equal. Being Christian means, we believe God created us, and by saying that being gay is wrong, you’re implying that God messed up. I believe that we are who we are, we are who we were always meant to be, and that everyone was created for a reason. We may not always see it or believe it because the world tells us there is something wrong with us because of our sexual orientation or because our values and beliefs differ from theirs. The question I ask myself very often is “Who am I?” “What do I stand for?” And then I remember this brilliant scene from Sense8:

I guess who I am is.... exactly the same as you are

not less thannot better than

Because there is no one who has been..or ever will be exactly the same

as either youor me

In today’s world you are truly brave if you have the courage to be yourself and accept the fact that you have no right to judge anyone for who they are and the choices they make. Whether they believe in God or in aliens or in anything else. You do you.

JAKE PERALTA: A FEMINIST ICON?

Yes, I am talking about Jake Peralta, the lead character from my favourite comedy show – Brooklyn Nine-Nine. There are a lot of great women feminist icons (both real and fictional) but it is unfortunately a big deal when a man proves he’s a feminist. If everyone knew the meaning, they would understand that everyone should be feminists and that man shouldn’t be lauded just because he is a feminist. But in the face of all the misunderstanding, that only women can be feminists, a man saying he is one, he will be treated in a special way. Jake Peralta is the best detective of the (fictional) Ninety-ninth precinct. If you watch the show you’ll also know he’s a child in an adult’s body, the Die-hard movies were his motivation to become a cop, Gina is his childhood friend and he got her the job at the precinct, Thanksgiving is his least favourite holiday, he has some serious daddy issues, Captain Holt is a father figure to him and he flirts with Amy all the time.

But through all of this, he is the one character who is living with the times and is not afraid to say and show it. I like his character growth over the seasons. He doesn’t take care of himself, is not a healthy person but when he starts dating Amy, and she starts worrying about him and the fact that he hardly drinks water and never eats vegetables, he actively makes changes to his lifestyle so that she worries less. And when anyone asks him, he never implies how his girlfriend nags him to stay healthy but is actually proud of it. He would stand up against homophobia (even more so because Captain Holt is gay) and for women rights. Mostly I love how much he just lets Amy be Amy. It’s basically how all men should be in 2017.

And Jake Peralta has the right idea about being in a relationship as well. He is understanding no matter how crazy Amy gets and actually knows the reasons behind all the weirdness. He knows how she gets stressed out because of her big dreams and wants nothing more than for her to achieve it: Amy Loses Her Cool

He knows Amy is smarter than him and yet as a male, it doesn’t wound his ego in any way. In fact he wants to be there to support her as she achieves her dreams. For a change, it is nice to see man not disappointed or unhappy by their partner’s success. When she was afraid that getting promoted would change everything between them, he assured her why it would be better for them: Jake Talks to Amy on the Rooftop

He never belittles his female colleagues for their life choices, just maybe pokes fun at it every now then without being mean. See, being funny is okay, if you can do it without actually being a dick. He respects women. He believes women can do anything. Be anything:

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And that time he speaks to Amy’s dad to let him know he’s going to ask her to marry him gave way to this truly amazing bit of television: Jake Speaks to Amy’s Dad

Lastly, he proves to be a true feminist when he proposes to Amy, as well. He not only complimented her looks (and butt) but her brains: Jake Proposes to Amy

Sidebar – The best part of the proposal had to be:

Jake: For reals, I love your butt

Amy: I love yours too.

Jake: Gross.

Me: c62f8c7a5e30bc0e46922ec223f5665fffcec3f4e8524b640e6833e6f2846b79 I LOVE THESE WEIRDOS SO MUCH!!!!! WHAAAAAAAA

 

‘Feminist’ is not a tag. If you believe that women should be treated the same as men, not special, but equal, then you’re a feminist. It literally is the definition. In the wise words of Maisie Williams “I also feel like we should stop calling feminists ‘feminists’ and just start calling people who aren’t feminist ‘sexist’—and then everyone else is just a human. You are either a normal person or a sexist.” The question is what would you rather be called?

The word ‘Feminist’ shouldn’t scare you. All we ask is to not be judged based on gender, but on our worth and the hard work put into whatever it is we do. Be it a paying job or taking care of the house and kids. Men shouldn’t use terms like ‘helped my wife do the dishes’ or ‘babysitted the kids today’.. like it’s your house too, you live here, so wtf do you mean by ‘helped’? And don’t even get me started on the kids. ‘Babysitted’? Really? So your wife had an immaculate conception? No, right? The kids are biologically yours.. Well, newsflash, it is not babysitting if the kids are yours. It’s a responsibility.

It’s 2017. The idea of there existing a guy like Jake Peralta shouldn’t be a dream. It should be a fucking reality already. Because it’s high time men realise that women are people too. That they can make their own decisions. And that saying ‘I made a decision based on what I thought was best for the both of us’ is not a noble deed (like you’ve probably made it out to be in your head) but actually an insult to the woman concerned, because that implies that you thought she was not capable of making her own decisions and so you do it for her. Women are not weak just because you think they are or want them to be. The truth is that women were historically never given the opportunity to prove themselves. Everything about them, all their talent, has been repressed since the dawn of time. And now that slowly, but surely they, we, are making a place in this world, men see it as a threat or that we’re being treated special because suddenly it’s not just about them anymore. Well, guess what? The FUTURE IS FEMALE.

Thank you Andy Samberg for being an absolute gem of a human being, for portraying a character like Jake Peralta. We so desperately need it. And also for this clever joke:

Look at his face. God bless him.

Over and out.

TUMBLR WISDOM

I have an account on Tumblr to amuse myself. I like Tumblr, because people on there can be downright crazy. It’s the best place to be if you are part of a fandom or multiple fandoms. It’s a community of weirdos. I never thought I would ever come across life lessons on Tumblr. But in recent times, I look to Tumblr to educate myself on what’s happening in the world. And at other times I come across posts where people are helping each other out or sharing their life experiences or simply giving very useful advice. The below picture was reblogged. The post itself is important but the comment made by one of the rebloggers was even more so:

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Under this image, @embyrr922 wrote:

I’d just like to add, see how they behave when they’re angry/frustrated/exhausted, and if you see something that concerns you, wait until they’re calm, and then talk to them about it.

My husband used to yell when he got frustrated, but after I explained to him that I found it upsetting, he stopped yelling and started consciously working on asking for help before he got to that level of frustration.

When I’m upset over something, or just in a bad mood, I tend to withdraw. My husband explained to me that it makes him feel like I’m mad at him, so now when I need some space, I’ll tell him what I’m upset about, or that I’m in a bad mood for no particular reason, and I need to be alone for a little while.

See your friends and partners at their worst, but don’t assume that their worst is immutable. If someone loves and cares about you, they’ll try to accommodate you to the best of their ability.

I think this is so important and most of us don’t think to consider it. It all boils down to communication. The vital part of any relationship is communication. But with most people relying on texting and other forms of communication instead of directly talking to each other, gives way to misunderstandings. Things said, even through a text message cause a lot of damage that would have been avoided if it was perhaps communicated in person.

We should look for opportunities to see people, not as they want to be seen. Look forward to those moments when they let life gets to them, when they’re at their worst, that is when you will know the real them. And if it doesn’t bother you, if it does not alter the way you look at them, then you’ll know that you truly want to be with them, be around them. I am grateful for the fact that I can not only look past a persons insecurities, fears and imperfections but actually appreciate them for those very reasons. I love them even more because of their flaws. There are stories behind those fears and frustrations and insecurities and disappointments. Don’t we all want someone to look at us like we’re the most intriguing mystery, puzzle they want to solve?

I am also grateful that I find myself around couples these days, who by other’s definitions shouldn’t be together but are still together against all the odds. They consciously put in the effort and make it work every day. Do they have issues as individuals? Of course. But they work on it, personally and as a team to figure it out. That’s love. 

So, communicate. Be patient. Be kind.

ME TOO

By now I’m sure you’ve seen the words “Me Too” all over social media. But many may still not know how and where it started, why it started and what it means. Allow me to clarify. This is the original tweet I snipped from my twitter that set the ball rolling:

Alyssa Milano tweet

Actress Alyssa Milano asked people (not only women) to reply with the words “Me Too” if they have experienced any form of sexual harassment, sexual abuse or assault. She posted it in response to the stories coming to light about Hollywood movie maker Harvey Weinstein. What started as replies to her tweet has now taken over all social media platforms with people not only posting #MeToo but a few brave souls are even coming forward with stories and details. The stories have left me with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Whether you have first-hand experience or not, if those stories don’t make you feel sick or disgusted or angry, you have issues. I read stories about people being sexually abused at the hands of people they know, and have to pretend to like on a daily basis or at the hands of a complete stranger. It is still abuse and harassment.

Now I’m sure there will be a few who will read this thinking, ‘of course Larissa is blogging about this. She is just such an attention seeker’. Yes, I am an attention seeker. So, do I have it now? Your attention? Does me blogging about this make you uncomfortable? Good. I hope it does. Because “uncomfortable” does not even begin to cover what it feels like to actually go through it; to stand in a place so crowded and have someone grope you, and not even be able to tell whose hand it is. To be violated in broad daylight by a complete stranger who knows you cannot even tell its them.. the helplessness.. you may not know what it feels like. If you make a scene, without knowing exactly who it is the wrong person could be caught and punished for something they didn’t do. And honestly when it happens the only thing I think about is “I WANT IT TO BE OVER”. This is one of many instances. This is what it was like to travel to work every day. I used to get out of the house knowing that today could be another day it happens. It is something you need to get used to back home. I’m always on my own and I’ve always had to rely on public transport. I’ve also never had the luxury to rely on a father, brother or boyfriend when I feel unsafe. I’ve never been able to ask someone to drop me off or accompany me just because I was anxious or scared. I was afraid to tell mum about stuff that happened because either way I still have to get out of the house the next day. And there are others out there going through much worse. 

I’m blogging about this not because we want your pity. We want you to believe us. We want you to take us seriously when we tell you. We want you to pay attention and help those who cannot or are not in a state to help themselves when they are being abused or harassed. We want you, need you, to understand us. We want your support. The only way to defeat this EVIL is if we collectively do something about it.

Here are some of my favorite tweets on with the #MeToo:

Audy

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vir das

bailey

danie

jsf

jhdgs

men

Sandra

naomi

Lauren

RELATIONSHIPS FOR LIFE

A long time ago, I’m not sure how long, I found this story recounted by a girl on Tumblr and saved it on my phone. I just found it as I was clearing the pictures and making space in there. It’s not my words but they align with what I’ve been saying for the past few months. I’m going to share it here and hopefully it makes a difference.

@acutelesbian on Tumblr posted this:

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me the most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships for Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one-track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

After the teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort. She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the ones who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe, can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.

 

Now I may still not ever agree on the whole arranged marriage thing but the rest of it makes sense. Even if you do go for someone who makes your heart flutter, or butterflies in your tummy and all of that you have to understand that this stuff is what I would refer to as the ‘honeymoon period’ which is temporary. Once it fades, being with that person day in and day out will become a matter of choice. Yes, things will go wrong. Yes, walking away is an option. It will always be an option. But what matters is that instead of choosing that option of  walking away, you choose to stay. “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” – J. K. Rowling

You choose the person, you chose when you said “I do” and you continue to choose them everyday. You choose each other every day and only then will it last.

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LOGIC

I always been a logical person. Since as long as I can remember. Before I do something, I always think about what the consequences of my decisions could possibly be. I always think of the pros and cons. It’s who I am. It’s how I’ve always been. This habit of mine, it had its positive and negative impacts on my life. To others I come across as overanalytical, emotionless, shy or indifferent. In reality I’m probably processing the things happening in that moment so that I can go over it later. That also means I sometimes forget to appreciate where I am because I’m already thinking about what’s going to happen later. I overanalyze everything. It’s a Virgo thing. We are highly logical and we like to feel useful to the people we care about.

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Every decision I have ever made, at least in my adult life, has been well thought out. Not for only my sake, but for the sake of those I love and who depend on me to be good, to be better. I know, that every decision I make, no matter the outcome, was made by me and no one else. I take responsibility if I mess up. Very rarely, if ever, have I made a life decision of a large magnitude, completely on a whim. Circumstances have always been such, that I have never had the option of living life based on trial and error. I am not complaining about the life I have lived. Everyone has hardships and painful family stories and memories, but all of those serve to make us who we are today.

So, when a logical person like myself, faces a situation that she has actively avoided for years based on fact and terrible past experiences and yet cannot appeal to logic or reason, it is hard to comprehend. As someone who always weighs the pros and cons, it is very unusual for me to face a person/situation and just not see any cons. Is that even possible? Over a period of a few months, to be in that in situation, it seemed illogical to be logical. Does that even make sense to you guys? I have taught myself to never do anything based completely on emotion. And yet, right now I am at the most vulnerable I have ever been in such a long time, because of decisions that I made that were not exactly logical but yet made perfect sense to me. They still make perfect sense. And still I know it does not matter. How could it be possible to feel the way I feel and yet know that it makes no difference whatsoever?

As a person who has anxiety where sometimes getting out of bed in the morning is a challenge in itself, you’d think that failure in love and friendships would make me drown in my sorrows and make me unable to face the day. But the truth is, the love I feel actually brings me out of that fog I find myself in. It is the truth I cling to when nothing else seems right. The light that leads me out of the metaphorical darkness and haze. Even logic cannot put up a case strong enough to tell me that it’s wrong. 

When you love and care about someone you would do just about anything for them because they mean so much to you. Even if it is too late. You will do it for them whether it matters to them or not, with no expectations, because that is how the whole unconditional love thing works. If you had expectations, it’s not unconditional and neither is it love. It reminds me of that scene from Doctor Who:

‘Betrayal’ is too strong a word and is not what happened with me, but no matter what happened I still care. After everything that we went through together, they still left. Something I thought was not possible and it doesn’t make a difference. I still care. And I can’t make that stop. 

You take that leap of faith and wade out into the ocean depths and hope that maybe they’ll have the courage to join you. Sometimes they won’t, and you have to find your way back to shore yourself. But that still doesn’t make the love go away. You’ll wake up tomorrow still in love but it won’t be a distraction or a hindrance of any kind. In fact it is the very thing that will keep you going. To love is a big ‘f*** you’ to logic and practicality and right now that’s where I’m at.